Getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult
I am in my mid-40s and a few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD combined.
What started me on my diagnosis journey was my incredibly high blood pressure — it was 185/110 last year — all tests run and no apparent medical cause for the blood pressure.
I’ve had thoughts that I was probably neurodivergent for a few years now. I have a son who was diagnosed autistic 9 years ago. He’s unfortunately had some pretty terrible school experiences, so we’ve had to really dive in and learn as much as we could to support his needs. As I learned I thought wow, a lot of this sounds really familiar to the way I think or things that happened to me in my childhood.
Impostor syndrome
Over the years, I tried asking people around me if they thought I might have ADHD — friends, family, even my GP at one point. They all told me don’t be silly, there’s nothing wrong with you! You have a house, a job, kids, etc. I thought maybe I was just stressed and found it difficult to manage things because I have triplets — yes I actually do have triplets, they are 15 now.
I couldn’t stay organised, housework was very stressful, I constantly lost important documents. My friends weren’t dealing with the same challenges at home, so I guess it’s just me who can’t keep up with things and I needed to try harder. After learning my blood pressure was so high, the GP and my family said you need to relax, you are too stressed. I tried yoga and meditation, but they didn’t work for me. So again, I felt like a failure because I don’t even know how to relax!
When I finally decided to go for an assessment, within 10 minutes of starting, the psychiatrist told me — you are definitely ADHD. She said I’m a very classic example of an intelligent woman who hides her struggles very well, and eventually can’t hold it in any more and falls apart. It was incredibly validating to be seen and heard.
Reading my diagnosis report has been really insightful, realising some of the things I do are ways that I’ve learned to compensate for my ADHD. I was in gifted classes in school, yet couldn’t stop myself from procrastinating. I’m incredibly lucky now to be self employed and I love my job. I think I managed to find something that works really well for my brain by happenstance, or maybe I was naturally drawn to it. I’m looking forward to adjusting and learning how to get the best out of my brain, how to take care of myself better, and how to rest. All of the things I have been called over my life — disorganised, lazy, scatterbrained, loud, emotional, rude — aren’t true, I have ADHD.
Taking care of yourself
One of the reasons I wanted to share this news so publicly is that women’s health concerns are frequently ignored or downplayed by medical professionals. This can be even more true for women with disabilities — I wrote an article about this back in 2020 not even knowing I was writing about myself.
We need to listen to our own bodies and not let impostor syndrome or well meaning friends/family/doctors make you think that what you are feeling is not real. Holding inside all of this anxiety and stress is taking its toll on me. I have constant headaches, migraines, terrible sleep, heart palpitations — anxiety is interfering with my life so much now that I am starting to struggle even with driving. My blood pressure last year was nearly heart attack or stroke level, it’s no joke. I’m not even able to start medication for ADHD until we get my blood pressure under control, which will take some time.
If you have wondered whether you might be autistic or ADHD, please do things to take care of yourself.
- Learn more about how ADHD presents itself in women — it might not be what you expect. Be aware of physical changes in yourself — besides the high blood pressure which was a huge red flag, I had noticed other physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue and anxiety which were preventing me from doing things I had done in the past. When high blood pressure is not managed, it can lead to cardiovascular disease, the number one killer of women globally.
- Join communities of others who have similar struggles, you are definitely not alone. Perhaps not surprisingly, many of my friends are smart, creative and quirky like me. They have neurodivergent children and many are now getting their own diagnoses or have self-diagnosed. I think our ADHD brains recognised each other, even when we did not know!
- It was really important for me to find a psychiatrist who was experienced in working with women and girls with autism and ADHD. As I had been brushed off by my GP previously, I was worried that I would be told that I had anxiety — which I certainly do — but the cause of the anxiety was the undiagnosed ADHD. Speaking to a professional who can pick all of that apart is important. This does not mean to exclude trans men and women — I think it would be even more important to ensure that if you are trans, you find a psychiatrist who is knowledgeable about ADHD or autism and the trans experience.
- Self diagnosis is valid as well. For me, I needed that piece of paper, but I am also incredibly lucky to be able to afford to pay privately for an assessment. Although I love the NHS, wait times for adult diagnoses can be years. One caveat to this is that if you believe you would benefit from medication, you will need a diagnosis to access this.
- Explore ways to keep yourself organised and reduce your stress. There have been so many technological advances, including apps and wearables that can help you out. It will most likely be a trial and error process to find what works for you. Don’t be afraid to try new things.
My ADHD identity
I have been very involved in the inclusive design community for nearly 10 years now. I am incredibly passionate about ensuring that the way we build products and services are truly accessible for all. It will be interesting to assess my work and teaching in this area now that I have my own diagnosis, and I look forward to seeing how this may impact my work going forward.
Sharing my diagnosis with my son was amazing. He’s really struggled with his autistic identity, largely because he’s had such a poor school experience. He’s said in the past — why me, why autism, I hate being autistic. When I told him I was diagnosed with ADHD and we had similar brains, he got the biggest grin on his face and gave me a hug. I said you are not alone, we are in this together, and I have so much to learn from you!
I am looking forward to getting to know myself better, taking time to understand my brain and body, how I can avoid or better manage the things that have been causing me such stress and anxiety, and learning how to find stillness for my beautiful, but non-stop active brain.
Alicia is Senior Director of Strategy at a digital consulting company. Follow her on LinkedIn for more stories about customer experience, business design, creativity and innovation, strategic change and inclusive design.
